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Transcription:Mystery Not Incorporated
Velma: Why could a contractor need glow-in-the dark paint? I wonder if this has to do with the glowing ghost. *sigh* I put my parents a hundred thousand dollars in debt for that criminal science degree. I need to rethink my life. Shaggy: Zoinks! Velma: *gasp* Shaggy! (Velma trips over a toolbox) Velma: Oh, My glasses. (Velma falls backwards off the bulding) Velma: Aah! Jinkies! Shaggy: G-g-g-glowing ghost! (Velma lands backfirst on a pole, bleeding from her face) Fred: Velma! Daphne: Oh my god! Glowing Ghost: Oh! Oh! I just puked right in my fucking mask! Fred: Velma faces twelve to eighteen months of physical therapy with no insurance. While she's on that fun journey, we need someone to fill her role. Shaggy: Like, dude. Me and Scoob already put an ad on Craigslist. Scooby-Doo: Yeah! Craigslist! Shaggy: *laugh* Like here she is now. (Lisbeth Salander encounters the group on her motorcycle) Lisbeth Salander: I am Lisbeth Salander. Fred: I know we need a team nerd, but do they always have to be such boner killers? (The gang is seen in the Mystery van with Lisbeth Salander) Daphne: Hey Lisbeth. I really like your, um? (thinks to herself in her mind: Hair, eyebrows, make-up, piercings, tattoos, outfit, hygene, manners, smile, accent) Hey Fred, turn up the radio! Fred: The owner of this amusment park says a ghost is scaring away all his customers. My plan is we split up. Lisbeth Salander: You are incompetent. Fred: Huh? Lisbeth Salander: The owner of this park is bankrupt. These are his financial records. Fred: Don't implicate me in whatever you're doing. Daphne: Lots of honest people file chapter 11, Lisbeth Lisbeth Salander: Here are his personal emails. He has fifty thousand dollars in gambling debt. Fred: Well, gambling is a deplorable vice. Lisbeth Salander: Here are receipts for a ghost costume, a one way ticket to Brazil, and twelve drums of acetone, the most common arson accelerant. He is planning to burn the park for the insurance money, blame it on a ghost, and flee the country. (Everyone looks at her computer then on her, stunned) Fred: I say we split up. (The Amusement Park Owner appears from behind the gang) Amusment Park Owner: Ooohhh! Fred: Look out! Shaggy: Zoinks! Scooby-Doo: Ruh-roh! Lisbeth Salander: That is Philip W. Anderson, the president and CEO of this- Shaggy: Like, run! (The gang runs from the amusment park owner. Daphne pulls Lisbeth along with them) (Cut to Daphne and Lisbeth Salander standing face to face) Lisbeth Salander: You wear too much purple. Daphne: I know. It matches my eyes. Lisbeth Salander: The only humans with naturally purple eyes are albinos. Daphne: Fine, they're contacts. God! You think you know everything, huh? You think you're so cool. You know, you're not the only one with a badass tattoo. (Daphne lifts up her shirt to reveal a tattoo of Fred on her lower back) Lisbeth Salander: I think a tumbleweed just blew through my vagina. Daphne: I know! It sucks! Fred sucks! I have the worst boyfriend in the world! Lisbeth Salander: Maybe you could try handcuffing him to your bed. Daphne: Oh, I guess that could spice things up. Lisbeth Salander: Yes! And then sodomize him with a stainless-steel revenge dildo! (Lisbeth and Daphne begin to tongue kiss) Fred: Oh. So that's how these girls play. (Fred unzips his pants and starts to masturbate) Fred: Ohhh. (Cut to Shaggy and Scooby walking around the camp) Shaggy: This whole park smells like sex all of a sudden, and I get stuck with a four-legged tang repellant. Scooby-Doo: Tang repellant? Maybe it's the soul patch. Shaggy: Did you just diss the soul patch? (Two claws picks up Shaggy and Scooby by the throat) Scooby-Doo: It's the ghost! Shaggy: Like zoinks! Amusement Park Owner: Hoohoohoo! Ooh! (Amusement Park Owner raises them with a button remote, trying to hang them) (Lisbeth Salander hits the Amusement Park Owner in the head with a sledgehammer) (Fred picks up his wallet) Fred: Look! It was the amusement park owner after all. (Runs off to Shaggy and Scooby) Lisbeth Salander: Imbecile. (Fred and Daphne realeses Shaggy and Scooby from the claws) Daphne: We actually solved the mystery without Velma. Shaggy: And without a tacked-on car chase and explosion, unlike "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (Steigg Larsson's ghost appears behind Lisbeth Salander) Steigg Larsson: Ohhhhh! Thanks for the critique, guys! Group: Steigg Larsson?! Author of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"?! Steigg Larsson: Maybe I would've done a second draft if I hadn't died of a fucking heart attack! Amusement Park Owner: *pain inhale* Shaggy: Hey old dude! Did you lose a contact lens? Amusement Park Owner: I just took a hammer to the skull! I think my fucking retina flew off! (The group laughs) Scooby-Doo: Scooby Dooby Doo! Category:Transcriptions